I think a bit more background information about me and my “journey” is in order.
I’ve worked in healthcare for more than a decade, in various settings and many locations in the US. I settled on my field as a way to help people, but also be a problem-solver, educator, learner, and explorer. I entered my studies and professional work with the hope of being excited and deeply fulfilled (much of the time anyway). I enjoyed the educational part, the challenges of learning and expanding, the relationships with my classmates. However, much to my chagrin and shame, I felt neither fulfilled nor particularly rewarded with the actual work. But by now, I had significant student loan debt and only saw one viable option– to continue in my profession. So I did, with the vague plan to explore other interests or possibilities and hoping to transition to “something else”.
Unfortunately, I didn’t account for the energetic exhaustion or anxiety/depression that engulfed me. My energy, my imagination, my openness and receptivity seemed to escape and elude me. I was stuck. Very stuck. That stagnation pervaded the other aspects of my life. I spent years looking for “my town” and “my tribe” when I should’ve been looking for ME.
Funny thing is, I thought I knew ME. In a way, I did. There was a large part of ME that I had been avoiding and shutting up for years. I had stopped listening to her and connecting with her because I was listening to my FEAR. Fear is like negativity-- loud, attention-getting, and easy to identify with (to put it mildly).
So over the past few years, I’ve been slowly teasing apart my fear(s) from the various MEs and parts of ME. The process is tightly tangled, painful, and painstaking. Lately I can feel the knots starting to loosen, the tightness beginning to ease, and the stirrings of satisfaction as I notice the changes.
(more next time as it involves going further back into my history.)
and so it continues…….


food for thought:
“The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle
“Finding Your Way in a Wild New World”, Martha Beck

Like so many others, I've been going through some "things" lately. I'm not too happy with many aspects of my life-- work, love, community, meaning of it all. I'm terrified of the answer to my recent question to myself--"Is this it?"
My life isn't bad, in fact, it's pretty darn good overall. But, I struggle to go to work. I'm exhausted and blah and can't seem to feel the openness and connection to others or myself that I've felt in the past.
So, now what?
It's time to pay attention to what I've been paying attention. Looking for clues to unravel the mystery of "where did I go?" and  "how do I get me and my mojo back?".  I've been reading a lot of self-help books (surprise!) and noticing my usual absorption of random information and energy around me. In my continuing and often unintentional research, I started hearing and learning about Reiki, a type of energy "healing" or "medicine". Yep, I just veered off into woo-woo land. Look out, because I'm about to start using terms like "empath" and "intuitive" to describe myself.
After several restorative yoga and Reiki sessions, reading about Reiki, and listening to Reiki practitioners during a podcast, I signed up for a Reiki class. Reiki is one pathway to channel life force energy through oneself to oneself or others to gently promote healing and balance on multiple levels. This is something incredibly appealing to one who feels she is constantly giving her own energy to others and taking on their energy in turn.
And so it begins.....

www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23414/reiki-what-it-is-why-you-should-consider-adding-it-to-your-routine.html​