Fearsome

The past few weeks I’ve had some intense fears come up. Old fears, sneaky deep fears, ancestral fears. These fears are about distrust and threat, feeling unsafe in this body, on this planet, in this reality. This shows up as an overwhelming panicky feeling, like I’ve got some giant ball lodged in my chest. Fears of exposure and vulnerability, fears of abandonment, fears of persecution/injury/torturous death-- the consequences if I’m feeling good, if I trust myself, if I trust and believe in a benevolent Universe/God...or just being me or becoming the next me….Some of these stem from my personal/past experiences, but the fear of injury/torture/death is ancestral shit rising to be freed from us all.
In my recent past, I would “leave my body,'' distract myself from these feelings, and try desperately to feel better, often compounding my fear-- fear of perpetually feeling bad, of feeling fear. Now I'm experimenting with different ways of allowing my uncomfortable feelings to be there and allowing them to pass when they’re ready. I’m even attempting to allow the resistance to allowing to be there.  When I can do that, the overwhelmed and panicky feeling ease a bit. My next trick is to move from allowing the feelings to loving those parts of me. Talk about radical self-care, radical self-love. For me, it is.

Instead of leaving my body or distracting myself, I’m also experimenting with movement practices, grounding exercises-- embodiment practices-- to navigate these waters. (Click here for 3 overwhelm-shifting exercises)
Today, I tried a variety of these practices to shift this overwhelm and fear energy a bit.Finally, as I began to cry a little and felt the tension start to lift, I understood that I shifted much of this fear energy for me and my ancestors.
I am free: to live alone, work outside the home, run my business, dance and sing, get married or not, befriend whom I choose, live where I choose, believe what I choose, and do what I will. I am free to unveil and share my Intuition, my Sensitivity, my Truth-- with very little chance of being torture/killed/injured for it…  Stepping into more of me, more of my power and dissolving those chains from my DNA, from my ancestral line. To enjoy my life and appreciate these freedoms- for me, for my ancestors, and for us all.  I am safe to express myself as I choose without the threat and fear of punishment or harm.... a miracle to finally KNOW this.